03.20.25

Almost all of the most major relationships in my life are rooted in pulling away from the larger group and talking somewhere. The other people around us can come and go, and we talk to them too, but it’s our spot, where we sit, and other people are the guests. We chat with everybody but talk to each other mostly, and return to our home base after wandering. We’re with everybody, sure, but it’s you and me.

When Saraphina and I were in college, we would duck out of parties for cigarette breaks. People coming and going from the apartment where we hung out every Friday night would see us outside and come say hello. But the most important part of it was the time we spent with each other — that’s where we really became good, real friends. Very naturally, watching people enter and exit our friends’ place, chatting until we were bound to each other forever.

Sam and I have a similar thing going on now at his place — they have parties there all the time, and as long as the weather is nice enough, by the end we will be sitting on the deck, smoking and talking, doing bits and laughing loud, really holding court but also making people think they’re not totally welcome to join us (being really annoying, is what I’m saying — but together!).*

When I’m looking to bring people into my life in a real way, I’m not doing it because I see them as the Sam to my Diane or Abbi to my Ilana (two uniquely dated cultural references — how on Earth am I supposed to know what you people are watching these days? There’s too much stuff!). I do it because I see a Statler to my Waldorf — someone to be at the party with, off to the side, being snide about all the freaks we hang out with. And, of course, guffawing.

*I’m also realizing a lot of these types of stories in my life surround smoking. This is why it’s so hard to quit!